Dear Stephen Colbert
Just a thought from 18 October 2005 about TV.

Hey Steve. You know I love you. I really do. Your reports on the Daily Show have been fantastic. The Week in God? Brilliant. And your voices for Harvey Birdman are my favorite part of the show. Hah hah! "Part."

But, Steve, lemme ask you a question. You know how sometimes, on Saturday Night Live, they do a sketch with some dumb joke that goes on way too long? So long that, by the end, the audience is only laughing because they think it'll make them stop?

And you know how, sometimes, the SNL people mistake that laugher for actual laughter, so they make the same joke, again and again, show after show, until finally, they're so deliriously misguided that they run out and make a movie? A full two hours of the same bad dumb joke?

And then, when the movie bombs, you know how everyone wonders, why did they ever make that piece of crap in the first place?

You know how that happens sometimes? You do? Oh, okay. Just wondering.

The Reality of My Surroundings 2
Just a thought from 16 October 2005 about Cole Valley, San Francisco, Stories.

I'm coming back home from walking the pups when I see them. A gaggle of drunk fifty-somethings, grey hair all around, whooping it up in the entryway outside building. As I approach, I see that they're passing around a pipe, the smell of cheap swag filling the breezeway.

"Uh oh," says Oldie One, "here comes the guy who lives here."

"We're busted," says Oldie Two.

When I'm just about to the door, I look down to see a pool of vomit at the feet of Oldie Three.

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The Reality of My Surroundings
Just a thought from 9 October 2005 about Cole Valley, San Francisco, Stories.

Heather and I, we're creative types. And, like many creative types, we know what an immaculately designed, pristinely clean house would look like. We just can't can't seem to keep one. Our house cleaning happens in fits and starts, usually when someone's on their way over.

So, lately, I've tried to tidy up more. Just little things, like grabbing a bag of recycling and taking it down to the trash cans on my way out. Stuff like that.

Best laid plans.

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What I Learned on My Summer Vacation
Just a thought from 1 October 2005 about Travel.

Heather and I just returned from a week-long road trip through Arizona. And it was awesome. Happiness is me, my wife, a pile of cameras, and a car on the open road. Here are a few things I learned along the way.

• Arizona is hot. Damn hot. Real hot. Hot like, when you turn on the cold water in the bathroom, it comes out hot because it's been baking in the pipes for a few dozen miles. Hot like, if you do the courtesy flush when you're on the pot, you can feel the heat from outside in the water, creating a little steamroom for your bum. Hot like, when you're from San Francisco, and you're walking around in Arizona, all you can think is, my God it's hot.
• The Salton Sea smells like rotting fish. But that's only because it's full of rotting fish.

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