January 02, 2004

Happy New Year

2004.... wow. I can't believe it. I rang in the new year with my friend Ryan. He is a producer so we went to this recording industry party for the label MIG. Ryan is producing a group called Fantasy, that was performing. First, we went to Macaroni Grill for some dinner. Then we headed to the club, Forbidden City to see Fantasy perform. We saw them do two numbers... which was pretty good. The sound was really bad... lots of feedback... but Ryan's song he wrote and produced was awesome! We then saw another group, a woman rapper. She was pretty good too but again, the sound sucked ass. We had enough of that place and decided to head over to another party. That party didn't seem like the best place to be so we went to another party. Seriously. It was an interesting evening. I had a good time though. It kept my mind busy.

I've been having a really hard time today. My stomach has been a big ole mess (and no, it isn't from drinking too much yesterday. I only had two drinks all night!). I have been soooo depressed. I keep trying to think positively but it just isn't helping. I've felt really anxious all day too. I don't think I'm comfortable with being alone yet. It's a different feeling. Sucks....

My friend Jeffrey is in town from New York this week. I met him and his girlfriend tonight at The Standard in downtown LA. I was so stoked to get out of my pajamas and hang out. I had been in my pajamas since 1:00 this afternoon.... unpacking more boxes.... sleeping.... and watching crappy tv. Boring! I'm glad they called and wanted to hang out. I met them around 10. By midnight, my stomach was hurting so badly, I was almost bent over. I tried having a drink and some food but that seemed to make it worse. So, I left.

I'm sick of this. I'm tired of feeling sad. I hate feeling anxious. I remember feeling like this three years ago.... when you are ultra-aware of how you are feeling and breathing and every sound both outside and inside the body. And how you always feel like you should be doing something... not being able to just relax. I felt that way all day today. *sigh*

Hopefully the second day of this new year will be better than the first.

Posted by Jenny at January 2, 2004 12:58 AM

Happy New Year, Jenn. I know that 2004 will be good for you, and things will work out -- I know you don't want to hear it, but it just takes time. Besides, you can't disappear into the ether, we're supposed to get together for sushi! Let's get together next week...

Posted by: Keith on January 2, 2004 10:40 AM
Post a comment