{ jenn powazek }

This is Jenn's old site. Her new site is located at powazek.com/jenn.

{ jenntrooper }
...in the ultimate search of what makes me happy in this lifetime.

10/01/2000 - 10/31/2000
11/01/2000 - 11/30/2000
12/01/2000 - 12/31/2000
01/01/2001 - 01/31/2001
02/01/2001 - 02/28/2001
03/01/2001 - 03/31/2001
04/01/2001 - 04/30/2001
05/01/2001 - 05/31/2001
06/01/2001 - 06/30/2001
07/01/2001 - 07/31/2001
08/01/2001 - 08/31/2001
09/01/2001 - 09/30/2001
10/01/2001 - 10/31/2001
11/01/2001 - 11/30/2001
12/01/2001 - 12/31/2001
01/01/2002 - 01/31/2002
02/01/2002 - 02/28/2002
03/01/2002 - 03/31/2002
04/01/2002 - 04/30/2002
05/01/2002 - 05/31/2002
06/01/2002 - 06/30/2002
07/01/2002 - 07/31/2002
08/01/2002 - 08/31/2002
09/01/2002 - 09/30/2002
10/01/2002 - 10/31/2002
11/01/2002 - 11/30/2002

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Friday, March 30, 2001

ATTENTION TO ALL NY SUBWAY RIDERS: Don't buy batteries from anyone on the subway. There is a guy going around selling 8 AA batteries for $1.00. It's a big scam!! These batteries look like Duracell from far away, they have exactly the same design...but once he puts them in your hand, you'll notice two things. First of all, the name on the battery is Powercell....very deceiving. Secondly, you'll realize that they are very light....eight batteries are usually pretty heavy in your hand....these were not. Once you get the plastic off, you'll notice that they don't even feel real! I knew something was fishy so I started to take the batteries out of the plastic. I wanted to test them....while I was doing this, the battery selling guy was getting dollar bills from almost everyone on the train. He saw me begin to open my batteries and he took off into the next train. I put them into my discman and wouldn't you know, it flashed "low battery" and turned off. I was LIVID.. Sure it was only a dollar but it was MY, hard-earned dollar! I wanted to scream to all of the other unlucky passengers on the train who were taken advantage of "the damn batteries don't even work!!" But I just sat there shaking my head.

Here's where I get even. Five minutes later, the battery seller comes into my train car...
I said Hey you. Come over here! I want my money back...here are your fake batteries.

He just looked at me and he said

What's wrong, they don't work?

Like he didn't know.

No, they don't work. I just tested them and it said "low battery" I want my dollar back!

He gave me my dollar back and said something about how he uses these batteries all of the time and hasn't had any problems and that he was sorry they didn't work. Oh yeah- crown me Queen! I felt so empowered after that encounter. But heed this warning! Don't buy any batteries on the subway from fake battery dealers. They are evil and will take your money! Don't say I didn't warn you.....
* 7:50 PM

Good luck on your interview tomorrow, Michael. I know you will totally kick ass!
* 7:21 PM

"I'm about as useless as tits on a bull." - Tami's line of the day.
* 12:28 PM

Haven't really been in the mood to write lately......maybe it's because I've been BORED OUT OF MY MIND here at work and have been sucked into playing solitaire all day! How sad is that? Definitely glad it's Friday though. I need a break from this monotony. Plus, I'm still battling this sinus infection thing that I've got.....runny nose, scratchy throat....not fun... I've been looking forward to the weekend! It's really dreary out though....cloudy, cold, and rainy. Yuck! AND, my roommate is coming home tonight for a couple of days....WITH her boyfriend, of course. Yippeee (with emphasis on the sarcastic side). Oh well, she'll only be here for a few days and then will be back out on her tour of Swing. My cool cousin, Sarah, is coming into town on Wednesday! YIPPPEE (with emphasis on the super excited side!) That's all for now....
* 12:09 PM

Wednesday, March 28, 2001

"Are you warm for my form?" - Tami's line of the day.
* 2:17 PM

* 1:59 PM

Just finished my book, Into the Great Wide Open. I'm not sure what I think about it. I think I'll let it sit for a little while and process and then I will write about it. Right now, all I'm thinking is "wow, that was really bizarre!" I'm not sure I liked it. Time for a new book. Any suggestions?
* 10:22 AM

Last night, I took a PM decongestant and it KNOCKED ME OUT!! I know my Mom called and another friend called.... I don't remember what I said to them....or why I even answered the phone?? All I know is that I woke up this morning still groggy- I had a hard time getting up. Today is going by so slowly. My boss is out of town this week so there really isn't much to do. The phone is barely ringing. Too bad temps don't get vacation days.
* 8:36 AM

Tuesday, March 27, 2001

Ugh......nose is running......stop it!! Boring day today....not much to talk about. I think I may rent a movie tonight.....a friend suggested The Wonder Boys. It's freakin cold out. Where oh where is Spring?
* 1:26 PM

Monday, March 26, 2001

Pedro just joined the singles club! Hang in there deelio!
* 1:21 PM

Can you believe it is snowing here today? And, it's actually sticking!! I thought it was supposed to be Spring?
* 8:30 AM

Grandma died a year ago yesterday..... I spent a lot of the weekend thinking about her. I thought about her condo in a retirement village in Florida.....I thought about all of the nights I used to sleep in that back bedroom as a kid and listen to the windchimes.....those butterfly windchimes are hanging on my wall now. I thought about the mornings we would wake up and have grapefruits with sugar on the top. I thought about going to the pool and socializing with all of Grandma's elderly buddies. I thought about all of the funny things Grandma used to say...."Damn that dog".....she'd say that anytime one of the dogs brushed her feet under the table. I thought about the funny things she said when she was in the hospital.... "angina, angina"....and she kept joking about how cute her male nurse was. I thought about how Derek and I held her hands in the hospital before we left and said goodbye. We told her how much we loved her and hoped we would see her soon when she was feeling better. Derek and I both knew in the back of our minds that we probably wouldn't ever see her again. She died shortly after we left the hopital, on our way to the airport.

I miss you Grandma.
* 6:51 AM

Sunday, March 25, 2001

Crap- I woke up this morning with a sore throat and a headache! I don't want to get sick!! Hopefully taking a bunch of vitamins and Echinacea will help. I've got to work tomorrow.....grrrrr
* 7:11 AM

Saturday, March 24, 2001

"Another Saturday night, and I ain't got nobody..."

I am all about comfort food tonight...... Scooby Doo Mac-n-cheese and freshly baked chocolate chip cookies! I'm not in a bad mood or anything....I'm just bored!
* 6:31 PM

Ok, Lily Tomlin was absolutely amazing. It was such a great show. She really is very talented. She played a bunch of different characters but the cool thing was, there was a throughline.....all of the characters were in the same world and somehow related. We had the best time. After the show, we went to O'flaherty's... an Irish pub on 46th Street. We were there until 3:00 in the morning, talking to these two guys who are in Rent, the musical, on Broadway. They were very cool. I think that's the latest I've been out in a long time. And, I actually wasn't too anxious....how about that?

Tali left Friday morning. I had a hard time saying goodbye to her. We really had an amazing week together.. I was just so thankful to have her here. We nurtured eachother, laughed, shopped, and the best part was that I got to share my world here in New York with her. She went with me to work, to my voice lesson, met my friends, and was so incredibly supportive.......a true best friend! I miss you already, Tali!
* 1:36 PM

Wednesday, March 21, 2001

Front row for The Full Monty was just a little too close for comfort! They actually show it all at the end! Whew... that was more excitement than I've had in a long time! hee hee hee. We totally enjoyed the show.... g-strings and all! Tomorrow night, we've got tickets for the Lily Tomlin, one woman show. It is supposed to be incredible.

We are having such a good time bonding. Tali and I haven't had this much time together since high school. Today we went to the Metropolitan Museum of Art. At first, I was a little overwhelmed. Mind you, I haven't been out and about for almost two months. There were so many people and so many rooms.....I felt a little uneasy. But, we just browsed slowly, taking our time. We covered most of the museum in a couple of hours. It was raining and super windy out so it was a good day to be indoors. I felt good about conquering that big-ass, tourist attracting, anxiety inducing, museum of art.

Then we went to Serendipity's.....famous for their frozen hot chocolates!! I had 1/2 of a grilled cheese sandwich.....still not all that hungry. But then, we had desert.....a big ole sunday! I had a few bites. It was so yummy......we brought home the leftovers. :) I hope the weather is better tomorrow. SUCH a good day! I'm going to be totally bummed when Tali leaves on Friday.
* 7:20 PM

Tuesday, March 20, 2001

At the Cyber Cafe right now with Tali....have front row seats for The Full Monty tonight. Very excited about that! :) We are having a blast. Meeting Tiff and Foote in a little bit for some coffee before the show. GOOD TIMES!
* 2:46 PM

Monday, March 19, 2001

Hitting the village tonight with Tali.....shopping and eating! What could be better than that?
* 1:50 PM

At work.....Tali is shopping around the World Trade Center. I'm taking the rest of the week off.....YAY! So, I only have to get through today. And, Annette is back so I am not half as busy as I was last week. Tali and I got massages yesterday afternoon and then rented Meet the Parents. There were some really funny parts but it was a little too predictable in my opinion. Still got some laughs out of it though.
* 7:36 AM

Saturday, March 17, 2001

I am having such a great time with Tali. Although, she isn't feeling too well right now.....she's taking a little nap. I'm glad we aren't going out to a bar tonight. I think all pubs will be nuts because of St. Patrick's day. We may just rent some movies. I am making matzah ball soup for her.....hopefully it will make her feel better. She went with me this morning to my voice lesson. She loved it. Never heard me sing soprano stuff before! I'm so happy she's here. I really needed this.
* 3:53 PM

Friday, March 16, 2001

I'm thinking about you, Dave! Hang in there.....we will get through this!
* 2:20 PM

Michael, I hope you are feeling better! Sending you good, healthy thoughts!
* 2:15 PM

Two hours until I get to leave work to go pick up Tali!!! *smiling really big*
* 12:53 PM

YAY!! I just got a message on my answering machine that my landlord, who lives up stairs, who is neurotic, is going to be out of town this weekend! Yahoo- let's have a party.
* 9:22 AM

Busy morning....listened to Des'ree on my way to work this morning. That is some good morning music. These lyrics totally pumped me up for my day:

Listen as your day unfolds, challenge what the future holds, try and keep your head up to the sky.
Lovers they may cause you tears, go ahead release your fears, stand up and be counted don't be ashamed to cry.
You gotta be bad, you gotta be bold, you gotta be wiser.
You gotta be hard, you gotta be tough, you gotta be stronger.
You gotta be cool, you gotta be calm, you gotta stick togethe
* 7:19 AM

Thursday, March 15, 2001

So, the apartment is all clean, ready for Tali. I just can't wait......
* 5:45 PM

On my way home tonight on the subway, I listened to the musical Festival. I forgot how great it was. I haven't listened to it in forever....Bill Hutton rocks!
* 5:43 PM

I think I will ask if I can go home now. I am absolutely drained, both emotionally and physically. It's been a crazy day. Plus, I need to finish cleaning the rest of the apartment tonight!
* 2:30 PM

Jay has just made my day!! *smile*
* 12:03 PM

couldn't eat today.......lost in thought....
* 11:50 AM

COUNTDOWN........one more day until Tali is here! Actually, she's coming TOMORROW NIGHT! It couldn't be better timing. I can't wait.
* 11:13 AM

ugh.....having a yucky day......
* 11:11 AM

Aaaaaagh.....thank goodness for free therapy with Jane downstairs in Medical.....she's a lifesaver!
* 9:44 AM

At work.....got here late.....couldn't sleep.....have a headache.....stomach hurts.......grrrrrrr
* 5:57 AM

Wednesday, March 14, 2001

Ok, so there's a fire in The World Trade Center, so no subway trains are running in and out of here...... SO, I get a car ride home! Yippppeeeee......how happy am I? And, I just might be home before 7:00!
* 2:35 PM

still at work....will the insanity ever end?
* 2:02 PM

THE COUNTDOWN CONTINUES........two days until Tali is here!! I already fixed up her bed and organized and cleaned the kitchen! I never realized just how therapeutic organizing and cleaning can be.
* 11:37 AM

Took a walk outside......boy, is it windy! At least the sun is out! I didn't get a wet butt today.....no sneaky rain puddles to sit in.
* 10:16 AM

I just got off the phone with my Grandma. I love talking to her. We had an interesting conversation.

"What's this I hear about you and your boyfriend? You broke up?"


I tried to explain to her what had happened. Her advice was,

"Don't sit around and piss and moan! Go out! Meet new people. That will help."

Thank you, Grandma.
* 9:29 AM

I did it.....I put all of his stuff in an airborne express package and dropped it off today. It's been sitting in a bag at home for weeks.....sitting in my desk at work for a week.....and I finally sent it. I'm not sure how I feel about it. It kind of feels as if there's some sort of closure, finality. Not a great feeling. I was hoping I'd feel empowered by doing it.......I guess it's just part of letting go.
* 7:19 AM

Tuesday, March 13, 2001

Have you seen those commercials for Levi's jeans where the people are karaokeing (sp?) to Charma Chameleon? They crack me up....laughing out loud! *hee hee hee*
* 6:12 PM

It was another 11 hour day.....at least I got a car ride home. I just cleaned my apartment for 2 hours. It's still not clean enough. It'll be clean by the time Tali is here. Cleaning is so therapeutic.
* 6:09 PM

still at work...........
* 3:03 PM

COUNTDOWN........three days until Tali is here! My best friend in the whole world is coming to visit me for a WEEK.....and I couldn't be more excited! She'll be here late Friday night. I've been cleaning the house everynight when I get home from work. Last night, I installed a thing of shelves in my shower. You know, the kind that fits in the corner? And, unclogged my sink. I felt like McGyver with all of my tools and stuff! I am a pretty handy woman if I put my mind to it. Someday I am going to make someone VERY happy.
* 2:20 PM

All dry now....thank goodness. That was embarassing. Looks like it is going to be another long night! I am seriously exhausted. At least I am making some good money. Still gotta pay that ER bill!
* 2:16 PM

Just went outside for some fresh air. It's nice and brisk out....not raining anymore. So, I decided to sit down and go through my thoughts for a bit. As I started with my thoughts, I realized my butt was WET. Yep, total dork....sat in a big ole puddle. Now my butt is wet and cold. Fabulous. Maybe that was a sign that I was having bad thoughts!!
* 11:46 AM

Kaycee is such an inspiration and an incredible writer. Reading her daily blogs, she's reminded me that even though you may have to struggle and go through some horrible, scary, and depressing times, there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. You just have to have faith and be patient. I'm now *smiling*.
* 7:50 AM

Thank you for the email, Michael.
* 7:39 AM

Isn't is the worst when you get to work and you have NO new emails in any of your accounts. That's a big ole bummer!
* 5:14 AM

Good morning!
* 5:04 AM

Monday, March 12, 2001

still at work.....grrrrr.....
* 2:58 PM

Just got off of the phone with my cousin from San Francisco, Sarah. She's got such an incredible vibe.....I could feel her positive energy bursting through over the phone! I'm so stoked she's coming out here to visit in a couple of weeks. We've never really "hung" out. Anytime we've gotten together, it's always been at a Bat Mitzvah or a funeral......not great times to bond. Anyhoo- her birthday is tomorrow. Happy Birthday Sarah!! Can't wait to hang with you!
* 12:07 PM

* 11:33 AM

sooooooo busy today. I've hardly had a chance to pee!
* 10:37 AM

* 5:06 AM

Sunday, March 11, 2001

My reflexology massage was FIERCE!! It felt absolutely amazing. I ended up going out tonight! How about them apples? I went to see my friend DJ in the reading of a new musical called Gina's Parole. I was really impressed. Everyone was vocally on fire! It felt good to get out a little bit......we went to a diner and had some french fries and chatted for a while. Good times! Now, I'm off to sleep...I have to be up at 5:30 tomorrow. Ick...
* 6:30 PM

Saturday, March 10, 2001

It was a beautiful day in New York. Still a little chilly, only 45 degrees, but it was clear and SUNNY. I forgot how much I missed the sun.....the warmth. It made me happy. This morning, I stayed in bed to watch my usual cartoons (Sabrina the Teenage Witch, Buzz Lightyear, and Recess). Then I went to therapy.....just started with a new woman. I was really nervous about it.....hoping that I would connect with her. Otherwise I'd have to start with someone new, and tell the whole story all over again. Thank goodness, she is amazing. I felt so good walking out of there today. I really feel like she helped me figure some things out. I'm looking forward to working with her again. Tonight, I decided to tackle my billion receipts and get them sorted for my taxes. I'm still missing a W2 form from one of my jobs! Eeeek- I'll have to track that company down and figure out what to do. Another massage tomorrow.....a reflexology massage!
* 7:15 PM

Friday, March 09, 2001

going home......*sigh*
* 2:04 PM

Started reading a new book today. It's called Into The Great Wide Open, by Kevin Canty. Pretty good so far. Yesterday, I read all of Transition Soup, by SARK. Sharon suggested Succulent Wild Woman by the same author, which looked amazing also, but Transition Soup is about healing so it seemed more appropriate. Thank you referring me to that author. She is very inspirational!
* 10:04 AM

A lot of people have been advising me not to talk to Jon. I know it's hard to let go of someone when you are still talking to each other. My therapist said it would be ok to talk to him as long as it was on an occassional basis and if I created boundaries for myself of what topics we could discuss....some things I'm just not ready to hear yet. So, I set up my boundaries and decided to call him last night. I am SO glad that I did. We had a really good talk....very honest. I even laughed a little bit. Suddenly things became much clearer and started to make sense. For the first time, I got off of the phone and wasn't disappointed, angry, or hurting. And I didn't feel like I was going to throw up! I just hung up the phone, took a deep breath, hugged my big teddy bear, and went to sleep. In my mind, I've wanted to make Jon this evil person because I figured it would make things easier for me. Of course, I never could really think that. I know in my heart that he is a truly good person who honestly is just as lost and confused as I am. He is still searching for himself as I am. Realizing all of this doesn't make anything easier, it just helps me sort through all of these feelings and start healing and letting go.
* 7:49 AM

Thursday, March 08, 2001

My roommate is leaving tomorrow morning to go back on tour, the Swing tour. I've liked having her here, especially through all of my traumas this past month.....but, I am looking forward to having the space back. Her boyfriend has been here a lot. He is nice and all but it has been difficult to watch them all over each other right after my break-up. And, the walls are pretty thin here....need I say more?
* 5:22 PM

Going home soon! Is it Friday yet? It's been a super long week. I think I may have to get another massage this weekend! :) It's supposed to snow again tonight and tomorrow.....gosh, can't we have one day of 60 degree weather? That would rock.
* 1:57 PM

Good luck at SXSW Derek! If anyone is attending, make sure you go to Fray Cafe. My brother is in charge of that and has worked really hard to put it all together. Try to stop in!
* 12:49 PM

Bummer- I had to cancel my voice lesson on Saturday for my therapy appointment. I figure the therapy is probably more important at this time. I'll just have to work on my voice stuff at home with my tape. That'll work.
* 12:45 PM

Still at work....getting through the day. Barely ate again......grrrrrr... I did finish my book though. Written on the Body is an amazing book. The author never gives away the gender of the main character.....so, it is left to your own imagination. Lots of steamy scenes. Excellent writing. I would recommend it to everyone! It's funny....the friend who recommended the book to me is a lesbian. She clearly pictured the main character as a woman. I tried to have an open mind about it....but, I really think the main character was a man.....named Peter. That's just my perception. Anyone else read it? Email me with your thoughts about it.
* 11:59 AM

Stomach is upset.....feel kind of shaky. I think I might ask to go home soon. Maybe I didn't get enough sleep last night?
* 10:15 AM

Restless night.....couldn't sleep well. I kept waking up, looking at the clock, grrrrring, and then going back to sleep. I even woke up 10 minutes before my alarm went off and just decided to get up. That is so frustrating. My jaw is tight too.....I wonder if I was gripping it while I was sleeping. Aaaaaagh- this has got to stop!
* 6:45 AM

Wednesday, March 07, 2001

Just got home from my audition. It was ok. I was totally connected to it but vocally, I felt weak. Whatever, we'll see. I got kind of emotional at the end of the song.....made me think about Jon. Funny, the song goes, "Sometimes a Day Goes By.....one whole entire day when I don't think of him." Yeah- right! Like that doesn't happen. Anyway, I'm just glad I went to the audition. It took a lot for me to get there. This theatre is in Muskegon, Michigan....only 35 miles from Grand Rapids where some of my family lives!! That would be so cool.
* 3:18 PM

Another good quote from Written on the Body:

"To lose someone you love is to alter your life forever. You don't get over it because 'it' is the person you loved. The pain stops, there are new people, but the gap never closes. How could it? The hole in my heart is in the shape of you and no-one else can fit it. Why would I want them to?"
* 11:25 AM

Last night after therapy, I went home and put my pajamas on, turned the ringer off on my phone, lit a bunch of candles, took a hot bath, and then got in bed. I wrote in my journal for an hour, listened to some music, and then read this book that my mom sent me. It's called The Manual for Life. It is AMAZING. I read the whole thing! Well, it was only 100 pages.....but, it gives you all of these reminders about dealing with things that you can control and letting go of those things that you can't. It talks about being good to yourself and surrounding yourself with positive people. The book is already highlighted all over the place. Thank you mom! That was very thoughtful of you. I really appreciate it.
* 7:42 AM

I went to an audition this morning!! Yippeee...well, actually, I signed up. I thought I'd get an early appointment, do my stuff, and then come into work. But, because there were so many people there, I had to get a late appointment, 5:00. So, here I am at work....until about 3:45. Then I'll head back to the audition. That should be interesting. I hope it goes well!
* 7:31 AM

Tuesday, March 06, 2001

off to therapy......
* 12:37 PM

yeah- therapy appointment at 4:00! I can't wait.......I feel like I need to take an emotional dump! Sorry, that sounded gross.
* 11:49 AM

Got a card today that says, "barn's burnt down.....now I can see the moon." Makes sense, huh? Thank you, Beth!
* 9:37 AM

Met Tiffany last night at Starbucks for some hot apple cider. It was soooooo yummy. It was really nice to see her. We haven't gotten together for a long time now. Just sitting there and talking with her felt good.....although, I was really anxious last night for some reason. I couldn't sleep either. I got up and wrote in my journal for an hour. That seemed to help a bit. I think I just have way too much on my mind these days. I am hoping to talk to the therapist here at work today. See if I can get some things sorted out.
* 7:15 AM

It is snowing like crazy out! I think there is at least a foot on the ground. It is so pretty....being inside, of course. When you're out and trudging through it, it's not as pretty! Plus, the wind is really making it colder out. Brrrr......
* 7:06 AM

Monday, March 05, 2001

When I think of Sarah McLachlan, I think of Jon. We went to her concert together, listened to her music a lot.....in fact, one night, we fed eachother Ben and Jerry's ice cream while listening to Sarah Mclachlan. That was a good night. I was listening to one of her cd's this weekend and these lyrics jumped out at me:

"What ravages of spirit
conjured this temptuous rage
created you a monster
broken by the rules of love
and fate has lead you through it
you do what you have to do
and fate has led you through it
you do what you have to do ...

and I have the sense to recognize that
I don't know how to let you go
every moment marked
with apparitions of your soul
I'm ever swiftly moving
trying to escape this desire
the yearning to be near you
I do what I have to do
the yearning to be near you
I do what I have to do
but I have the sense to recognize

that I don't know how
to let you go
I don't know how
to let you go

a glowing ember
burning hot
burning slow
deep within I'm shaken by the violence
of existing for only you

I know I can't be with you
I do what I have to do
I know I can't be with you
I do what I have to do
and I have sense to recognize but
I don't know how to let you go
I don't know how to let you go
I don't know how to let you go

* 10:35 AM

I just got the box set of Barry Manilow! I know, I know....it sounds funny. But, he wrote some really incredible songs. Ever heard the song, Somewhere Down the Road, by Barry Manilow? When I hear that song, I think of Jon and what's going on with us right now.
* 10:20 AM

On new medication starting today. We'll see how this one goes......
* 10:11 AM

Another great quote from the book I'm reading, Written on the Body, by Jeanette Winterson:

"In books about loss, they tell you to sleep with a pillow pulled down beside you. 'The pillow will comfort you in the long unbroken hours. If you sleep you will unconsciously benefit from its presence. If you wake the bed will seem less large and lonely.' Who writes these books? Do they really think, those quiet concerned counselors, that two feet of linen-bound stuffing will assuage a broken heart? I don't want a pillow, I want your moving, breathing flesh. I want you to hold my hand in the dark. When I turn in the night, the bed is continent-broad. There is endless white space where you won't be. I travel it inch by inch but you're not there. It's not a game, you're not going to leap out and surprise me. The bed is empty. I'm in it but the bed is empty."
* 6:09 AM

The storm hasn't quite hit yet. Only a couple of inches fell so far. It's supposed to hit later today and tonight.
* 6:02 AM

Sunday, March 04, 2001

By the way, for those of you that used to write me at paulacole.com, that address no longer works. I still have my hotmail and yahoo account. Or you can email me through this site. Just to let you know. :)
* 4:30 PM

I'm so confused......my heart is so full....... I just don't know what to do.
* 4:27 PM

Snow storm moving in.....it's supposed to be nasty. Snow until Tuesday......maybe I'll be snowed in and not have to work! :)
* 2:02 PM

Got my massage.......oh YEAH.....guess who is feeling nice and relaxed! And I got my haircut..... looking cute! :) I even ate today.....my appetite is back! Hallelujah. I've got to pick up my laundry in an hour. Could I actually be having a good day? I even bought myself a dozen yellow roses today. I am pampering myself as much as I can today. *smile*
* 1:57 PM

Saturday, March 03, 2001

Can't wait for my massage tomorrow.....
* 6:47 PM

Had a pretty good voice lesson today. I'm still so weak though....didn't have as much as breath support as I usually have but, it will build up again. I took back the shirt I bought for Jon! That felt good. I was sick of looking at it in my room. It was just a reminder of all of the things I would do/buy/give to him. I was always buying him presents. Anyhoo- when I got home and got the mail, there was a package from my dad. He made me a cd entitled "Loss". It is sooooo wonderful. I've been listening to it for the last four hours while I spotlessly cleaned my entire apartment. Good therapy. Lots of good quotes from the songs. One I especially like is:

"Someday we may laugh at this, someday we may be friends. But for now, you can keep your distance...stay away till the pieces mend. My sudden loneliness has made me dangerous, please don't watch me while I fall apart. Cause I'm sad and I'm angry and armed with a broken heart. And at my age I should be wise, now I'm untying all those ties, the evidence is in the eyes that should see so clearly...I once saw so clearly." -John Gorka
* 6:35 PM

Ordered some sushi last night....well, a California roll and some miso soup. Nothing too major- but it was good! Maybe my appetite is starting to come back! Chilled out, watched Girl, Interrupted.....that is such a good movie. Very relaxing evening. Now I'm awake, watching cartoons in bed......have to get ready soon for my voice lesson. I'll get out of bed after Buzz Lightyear is over.
* 7:26 AM

Friday, March 02, 2001

Oh- almost done. It's been one crazy week. I just got off of the phone with Erin, my cousin.......LOVE HER! It's been a good day for friends and family love. Although, I've been trying to get through to my friend Jenn in Washington but the lines are still down. I hope she's ok. I'm looking forward to relaxing tonight, maybe renting a movie......maybe taking a bath with smelly salts and candles and music. *smile*
* 2:10 PM

I LOVE my friend Tami. She is so great and supportive and cracks my shit up. Thank goodness for friends!
* 12:11 PM

I am so happy it is Friday! Even though I have NO plans for this evening, I'm just looking forward to going home and relaxing a bit. I need to clean out Phoenix's tank.....it's getting kind of mucky looking in there! I have a voice lesson tomorrow. YIPPPPEEEE. I haven't gone since I've been sick....for a month! After my voice lesson, I am going to Old Navy to take back a shirt that I ordered for Jon. It came in the mail on the day we broke up. Good timing, huh? I'm tired of staring at it on my floor.....it will be therapuetic to take it back. Maybe I'll get myself something with that money......or maybe I'll put that money towards my ER bill that I got yesterday. Eeeekk!
* 10:43 AM

It just amazes me what I see everyday on the subway. I can't go through one subway ride without seeing someone picking their nose! What is that about? Why do people need to pick their noses on the subway? At least get a kleenex and be discreet about it for goodness sakes!
* 7:57 AM

Made an appointment today for a haircut and an hour massage on Sunday. I can't wait. They both are definitely needed!
* 7:47 AM

It's snowing and really cold today! Yuck- why can't it be nice and warm already? I got my bill from the ER last night. OUCH- guess who is going to be working overtime next week to try and pay that one!
* 7:15 AM

Thursday, March 01, 2001

Just had thee best conversation on the phone with my friend Dave. He's going through the exact same thing that I am right now......except he's lost more weight than I have and is letting his parents take care of him. I am so jealous of that. I wish I were back in Callie, letting my Mom and Dad give me some love. Dave and I consoled each other and compared stories......I'm so glad we talked.....I think it was good for both of us to know that we're not alone in this time of heartache and loss.
* 7:44 PM

Saw the Doctor tonight. She thinks my medication might be causing all of my stomach problems. So, we are changing medication.....oh joy. Well, maybe it willl make me feel better! :) My Doctor is thee coolest... very caring.
* 7:34 PM

Leaving early to go to the doctor........think good thoughts......
* 1:44 PM

Talked to the Doctor. I am going to go see her after work today. Maybe she can give me a FIX-IT-ALL pill- wouldn't that be nice?
* 12:07 PM

Not feeling so well right now.......waiting for the Doctor to call me back....I'm so tired of this.
* 11:05 AM

Good news- my family in Seattle is ok. I just got an email from Uncle Alan. The kids thought it was fun and the cats were nuts but besides that, everything was ok! Thank goodness.
* 7:51 AM

I had mentioned before that my friend, Jon Stewart, is doing a show at Cincinatti Playhouse. It's called Avenue X. He plays a character named Pasquale. Check out this review he got:

Music is everything on Avenue X. That's most true for
Pasquale. Demonstrating an amazing range, both vocally
and emotionally, Stewart is breathtaking to watch as the
front man. He has an intensity in his eyes that underscores
Pasquale's focus on his music. Stewart is so natural --
particularly during the climax with the bittersweet "Where
Is Love?" -- that it's as if he's not even acting.

You go on with your bad self!! Congrats!
* 7:36 AM

Was going to go to an audition this morning for the National tour of The Full Monty......woke up with a bad tummy ache.....didn't go. Kind of bummed but what can you do? It probably wasn't meant to be.....
* 7:30 AM